The two important days in your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.
- Mark Twain
For quite a long time I've been tolerating the hatred of at least one person whom I frequently come across. However forbearing I was, the constant discriminative attitude and behaviours to me directly cause my initiation of this practice in which I contemplate the beauty and sins of human nature.
Unwilling to ignore it anymore, I regard it as a responsability that I was born with to interrogate humanities from the true experiences of my own life. Instead of revealing their discriminative behaviours, I did it by looking into my own emotions and mind that reflecting on those injustice - in the way of self portraying.
The drawings are the outcomes. The thinking and feelings that I bore in mind during the process was the essence of the practice, aiming at a confident persistence in the self.
SADNESS IN THE EYE
To hurt a man is easy. There's no honour in it. To maintain kindness is hard. It means that you are about to accept the pain people impose on you and you still control yourself.
During the drawing process, I occasionally recalled the annoying reactions of that person when passing me by. Even though I knew that I'd always treated people kindly, even that I knew that the fault was never mine, I would still blame myself for getting into a case of discrimination.
Is kindness but another aspect of vulnerability?
AND THE KINDNESS BEHIND
To fight back is simple. If rudeness overwhelms the kindness inherited in you, what would be satisfying even that you defeat your enemies? By silently enduring the pain without losing self-discipline, you may reserve your merits.
What's more often in my mind during the drawing process wasn't those who constantly annoyed me. But instead, those kind people who're always in my heart. For them I remind myself to maintain decency whatever situation I am in.
I AM NOT ALONE
Either in the suffering of anthropogenic adversity, or the way of self-persistence in a vulnerable situation, I am not alone.
One of my favourite female painter, Charlotte Johnson Wahl, is an emotionally intense person since childhood. She once was admitted to Maudsley Psychiatric Hospital and made to touch things that she believed were dirty, believing that it would help her overcome OCD by showing nothing terrible happened when rituals are broken.
I went to her exhibition Minding Too Much for a visit. As I went through her paintings one after another, my echo to her grew stronger. We both create art in adversities. We are taking pain. But what we reserve in our arts are tears and sentiment, for they are the inherited merits that lead us through every hard time. And they are what we intend to convey.
THE WORDS
Writing is a practice parallel to self-portraiture. Most of them are in the form of diary, recording my life and my mind.
In fact, what triggered me the most to take up my pen were the unfairness I witnessed or experienced. I'd like to record the unjustice of human society so that I might be able to make some positive changes. But when I focus on the writings, I tend to record the beautiful things of life. For the beauty of life is what I make every effort to sustain.
The previous practice was an accumulation of skills and sentiments. This work is of consequence. It's my first success of bringing drawing and writing into the same sheet of paper, and a milestone of my practice in portrait drawing.
AN IMPLICIT EXPRESSION
When I am about to express my true feeling, I tend to hold it back.
My intention for this work was to make a hint at the things that potentially exist but not to clarify, and yet construct the atmosphere.
The writing is what the Hidden Passion is about. It quietly exists in the dark, wouldn't distract you when you focus on the figure; but implicates you the undiscovered potentials when you go through it. It doesn't lead to anything tangible, but gives a feeling.
BREAKTHROUGH & SUSTAINABILITY
In the making of this work I discovered a new technique for pencil on paper - burnishing.
In order to increase density, I used an item with a flat smooth surface to press the material into the paper, and found the material on the surface of the drawing beame tight and glossy, like the core of a pencil. It also enhanced the texture according to the paper and inspired me to de the writing with an iron stick like carvings on paper.
Such discovery enabled me to extend the levels of smoothness, texture, glossiness and reflection of simple media - graphite pencil on paper.
As a continuation of this practice, I used the same technique for the background and writing to record my mind - The Spiritual Scripts.
HIDDEN PASSION
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SPIRITUAL SCRIPTS
The notion of secrecy is central to western literature. You may say, the whole idea of character is defined by people holding specific information which for various reasons, sometimes perverse, sometimes noble, they are determined not to disclose.
--The Reader
These works are records of my mentation outcomes achieved from an accumulation of memories and thoughts.
At the end of countless memories and thoughts, all of the brain works culminate in single sentences of some simple but profound cognition.
I name them Spiritual Scripts.
How many unspoken whispers ended up sighs in the silence of the night.
多少难言的倾诉，都化作静夜里的声声轻叹。
As long as I don't feel guilty when questioning my own heart, there shouldn't be a necessity of worrying about unfair prejudice.
只要我问心无愧，不必在乎旁人无理的质疑。
If only I could be like those glorious stars, shininng through a lonely age.
愿我能像那耀眼的明星，活过一个寂寞的时代。
May all of our emotions melt into a clink of goblet, no matter love or hatred, sorrow or peace.
愿人间的哀乐情愁，都化作一杯酒。
ON THE ROAD
DESPERATE FOR AN EXHIBITION
In a very early period of the MFA course, a classmate held an solo exhibition in one of the UAL collages. It surprised me when I was informed. But it ended up a pre-matured collection of works showed up too urgently.
From then on, I had a potential desire of presenting my dedication in art instead of showing off without making enough effort.
The failure in the application for a selected group exhibition triggered my passion for a solo show even more. It shook my confidence in the fairness existed in the art world.
I had to present something to the world without the help of any art organization.
INDEX
Featuring MFA 2014-2016, Wimbledon College of Art
The Crypt Gallery
Euston Road, London, NW1 2BA
30 October - 1 November, 2015
Private View: 5-9pm, 29 November, 2015
INDEX - Exibition in the Crypt
WE ALL DRAW - THINKING DRAWING
Exhibition: 5-8 November, 2015
Venue: Bargehouse, Oxo Tower Wharf, Bargehouse Street, London, SE1 9PH
Opening time:11am-6pm
Private view: 4-6pm, Thursday 5 November, 2015
ROMANTIC SADNESS
Graphite, pencil on paper
57*64 cm
Pencil on paper, 29.7*21 cm
ENCOURAGEMENT FROM MARIA
A doctoral degree student Maria had an opinion that: the enduring of the evil things is healing; you forgive by enduring it.
Her virtue of forgiveness impressed me. When things has gone beyond my limitation of forgiveness and forgetting, her kindness still reminds me not to conduct rudeness.
PERSISTENCE IN THE SELF
VENUE SEEKING
I've been visiting art galleries in London. Most of them only exhibit works of the artists they represent. And those available for hiring were unaffordable for me.
So I thought about venues not specfically for art events or people in the art field, but those easy to reach for the general public.
I walked on the street, browsing through empty shope and got contact details of those who owned the shops.
I thought about public places like libraries and health clinics. I also went to churches to seek availabilities.
I got a chance offered by Mitcham Library.
DO I DESERVE ?
The priority of an artist is devotion. The right purpose of an exhibition shall be a presentation of the effort that we made for what we aim to achieve, rather than telling people that I've done this and that as a show-off.
An artist I met on the street enhanced my awareness of the above. In a competitive society we all know the importance of self- promotion and getting recognition. While prusuing these, we shall not forget to question our own: for what I've done so far, do I truly deserve people's recognition?
COLLABORATIVE WORK
The arrangements of an exhibition shall consider the ways and spots for presenting the works. Particularly works with special requirements.
As the ream of Transport & Installation, we scrutinized and took photos of every room and isle in the crypt including dark spaces and socket areas and link them to a map and posted them on facebook.
SITE SPECIFIC
The parish of St pancras had a history of migration and continuation of Christianity belief reflecting on their compromise of inhabitat and the perseverance of belief. In response to this context, I adopt letter carving on stone to implicate the sustaining of deep rooted faith, echoing to the tombstones restored in the crypt with the material.
THE PROCESS
My approach to imply the migration of the parish was to take out some of the letters, which were supposed to be carved on the stone, and displayed them in another form. It simultaneously implicated the recurrence of belief.
The form of the taken letters ended up as writing on a flag hanging from the ceiling, a plan C.
There’s a hole in the stone now uselessly left there. Previous to the final plan, I tried two ways to cast letters from behind the stone to the wall through the hole. But I failed after a long struggling.
The process has more meaning to the work. It demonstrated the concept by the actual practice of a artist in a set of conditions that highly reveals his efforts and living situation in this contemporary environment. But at the end I could only present the outcome.
BECOME THE RELIC
Since that it is a site-specific work. If it's moved from the crypt, it loses it's meaning. Fortunately, I got my permission for permanent staying of my stone carving in the Crypt Gallery.
It's now abide with those tombstones in the central isle of the crypt and has become a part of the relics.
THOUGHTS ON OPPORTUNITIES OF EXHIBITING
Surprisingly and unexpectedly, my drawing, which was failed to be selected in a previous exhibition, was short-listed by this UAL drawing exhibition.
I’ve been thinking about which exhibitions are more valuable than others; which of them I am capable to get in.
There are some open group exhibitions held by social organization. Some I am qualified to apply. But I might fail.
There are some others held by the UAL which would be easy to be selected as long as I am a UAL student.
Another way to exhibit is that you hire a space to make it. It’s possible for a group show. But if you want to make a solo one, mostly it won’t be affordable.
You can book a gallery space across the UAL for free. But in my opinion, only when you can have a show out of the university that it’s a real success.
Art Event In Mitcham Library
157 London Road, Mitcham, CR4 2YR
Monday, November 23rd, 2015
Description:
The exhibition is of my self-portraits during a recent period in which I was suffering from hardships and became mentally vulnerable.
Self-portraying first worked as a healing process. As it went on, I wanted to tell my experiences and reflections on life that I bore in mind during the drawing process - by reading, for they are the true merits behind the face.
2.00-5.30pm: exhibition
3.00-4.00pm: reading
4.00-5.00pm: afternoon tea service
PROMOTION
one of the benefits of having an exhibition in a libraray is that the description of the exhibition would appear on their web page. In addition, a logo of their brand would be added in the poster that they make for you.
ON THE SITE
Quite different from the way I expected, the majority of potential visitors who received my invitation on facebook and gave me a positive reply didn't show up; half of the actual visitors were led to the event by leaflets that I displayed in the library. In the total 3.5 hours, I had 9 visitors.
Instead of an event with friends and classmates, it ended up the way I originally prefered - reaching the unkown people, the general public; exchanging thoughts about art, life and even more; and make an impact on them.
The reading was for two audiences. Less formal, more intimate.
THE UNRELEASED
I planned to mention a case that lately influenced my life during the exhibition. Since that most of the potential visitors who replied to my invitations that they would be there ended up absent, I didn't do it.
That case was a severe family crisis. I wanted to mention it as a connection to the bigger circumstance that in this period even innocent people are threatened by potential dangers.
And the other reason that I'd like to mention the case, is that if I would have to leave the U.K without finishing the MFA course, my classmates and friends would understand me.
Graphite, pencil on paper
29.7*42 cm